I’ve been accused of being “too nice.” I take time to understand people’s problems, I say “yes” whenever possible, I send out hand written Thank You cards as much as I can.
Yet, my love of people and need to understand the human condition has gotten me into trouble – big trouble. You see dear friends; there are wolves out there in sheep’s clothing and plenty of them. And after you say “yes” to everything you think you can, sometimes you realize there’s not much left over and you’re giving away the store.
Does kindness really need to be a curse? I, for one, refuse to think so. Yet for those of us of like kind, we need to curb our need to please others and get back to the business of taking care of ourselves. When you are a people pleaser, it’s hard to center yourself. And if you are like me, you’ve realized centering yourself is a matter of survival. Sure we can run with the wolves, as long as we’re wearing our cloak of protection.
Here’s what I mean.
Don’t Be a Doormat
This year I lost a true cyber-friend and the world lost a brilliant writer, Daylle Deanna Schwartz. Her mission on her blog and in life was to teach others how to love yourself first. She told us how on her “Lessons From a Recovering Doormat” blog. I learned a lot from her, to be sure. The take home message I gleaned from Daylle is to learn how to remain a safe distance from those who aim to take advantage of our kind ways.
Those wolves are easy to spot. Your instinct will tell you when someone’s gone too far. Set healthy boundaries for yourself and distance yourself. Limit your time with these offenders as much as possible. Understand that not everyone is appreciative of deep and kind people and gravitate more toward opening up with those select few who understand you.
Learn The Art of Balancing Listening With Assertion
My father always told me that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. I’ve gotten much mileage out of this wisdom. At the same time it is also important to remember another pearl of his wise thinking that said “choose you battles wisely.”
My father was never one to “draw lines” as he called it. It is always important for us to remember our boundaries and do our best to find a common ground. Is it always possible? No. But we have to remember what we want and know that what we need is so important. Learn when to ask and when to listen – it is a great art to develop.
Know What You Want
A firm decision will always keep you moving in a forward direction. This is where the rubber hits the road and can turn your kindness into a place of power. In all, the world needs more kind souls sharing their gifts and opening their hearts. Knowing what you want can shift you from a place of vulnerability to a power source. Take some time to discover where you are and where you are going. Then you will understand the meaning behind everything you do and won’t be afraid to say “no” if you have to. I don’t need to tell you that life is short and we need to choose wisely always and on all fronts.
Talk To Me:
Do you think it’s a curse to be kind? I’d love to know. If you’d care to share, please leave a comment below. As always, thank you for reading and do consider sharing Body Talk with your friends.
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The Body Talk eZine is a Violet Prose Publication whose mission has been “Changing The World Through Words since 2003.” We publish every second Tuesday and explore the topics that make life worth living. Do you have an idea for Body Talk? Email: firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t forget to subscribe, today.